Breaker Breaker One Nine Edition

"Mr. President, how would you respond to questions that the violence in Iraq has now degraded to the point of full-blown civil war?"
"Karl? Karl? Where are you, buddy? They're asking me about the civil war in Iraq again, and I need to know what you want me to call it. Dang, this damn thing ain't worked fer like the last 2 years. Time to wing it, Big Dog, you can do this. Uhhh, that's an excellent question, y'all, but I think our commanders on the ground have the lassitude to deal with the, uh, septuagenarian violence that we all know is the situation on the ground there."

Somebody Call Barry Gordy Edition

A humbled President Bush recently unveiled his new, diplomatic approach to the growing nuclear threats of Iran and North Korea, producing a music video with First Lady Laura Bush imploring Kim Jong-Il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to "Stop! In the name of Love." So far, no response has been received.

Sour Grapes Edition

"I just want the 'Merican people to know that I am not discouragized about yesterday's 'election.' I got people working on this, and when we find out who messed things up they're going down. I'm looking at you Montana and Missouri. And Pennsylvania. And Ohio. And maybe Virginia too."