He Can Relate on Their Level Edition

1. "...And the jet was comin' in hot, all out of whack, like this, and the pilot had blacked out and that is when I took over the controls and landed safely on the deck of that aircraft carrier. Now let me tell you about the time me and Rummy T-P'd the Frenchy Embassy."
2. “The fish was about, say, this big.”
3. "When I'm smokin' dope, I go from feeling this tall (the higher hand) to this tall (the shorter hand). And then there's PCP - which I'm on all the time…”
4. "Teacher! Teacher! I gotta go to the potty!"
5. “Check me out as I do the robot, kids. That's right, I've got me some funk too, just like your people.”

Empire Strikes Back Edition

1. President Shrub explains his plan to encase all children in frozen carbonate like Han Solo and unfreeze them when, in his own words, "the dern deficit isn't like, 7 Gazillion bucks."
2. "Now, son, what can I do to get you to leave here today with this here education plan? Tell you what, my manager ain't gonna like this, but I'll throw in a set of whitewalls for ya, no charge."

Just a Rough Estimate Edition

1. "Hey, don't yell at me! You think any of this shit was my idea??"
2. "Well, Bill, if I had to estimate the level of bullshit that will be in the president's State of the Union address, I would have to say that if you picture the overall speech as an object about three feet in length, like so, the bullshit would be approximately two feet, 11 and one half inches, like so."