It Was One Time, In College Edition

1. "My fell-o Merrikans, let me put this to you straight. I will not be a lame-duck second term Gov...er, President. I got me a 'Man-date' now and I don't mean like that time I ‘experimented’ back at Yale."
2. "...and the nominees for Best Documentary Exposing the Evil Hypocrisy of My Administration are...."

Hand In The Cookie Jar Edition

1. “Just need to get a little change here….”
2. The Four Horse...persons of the Apocalypse demonstrated their plan for cutting the national deficit in half by 2000-and-Never from the second to last pew during a service held today at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow and Embarrassment.

No, Really, It Means "Hook 'Em Horns" Edition

1. President Bush responds to the question, "Is there anyone else you'd like to thank for helping you to victory?"
2. Audience members at the Second-term Blood-letting of Merrika ritual who mistakenly, but never the less understandably, thought they were attending a Satanic ceremony were still greeted with tolerance and acceptance by Gov. Arbusto, who later said of the evil minions in attendance, "At least those crazy demons weren't absorbent and porous."

Repeat After Me Edition

1. "Ah, Staycher Name, do slalom-ly swaer to up hole the constant tuition of the unificated states of 'Mericca."
2. “....And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to question or oppose me. And you will know my name is the Shrub when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”