I Mean, Hey Edition

1. "...and what's the deal with all these insurgents? I mean, every time we set up a new police station in Iraq, they've gotta bomb it. What is the deal? 'Cause, hey, I wanna know...."

2. "Can I be honest with you people for once? Yeah, well we stole Florida in 2000, and took Ohio last year, and you know what? I ain't got a clue what I am doing and really don't give a shit! So, what are you and your liberalized pals going to do about it, huh? Post some silly photos of me on the Internets? Well, I say.... Bring.... It.... On."

3. "Whoah, people, hey, what's with the personal attacks? I think you liberals need to throw a little of that 'therapy and understanding' my buddy Karl's always talkin' 'bout my way fer a change. It ain't my fault y'all hate freedom."

Land of the Dead Edition

1. President Bush managed to escape from a rampaging zombie horde yesterday, when the zombies realized that BRAINNNSSSSS wouldn't be on the menu that night.

2. George Bush thanked George Romero for casting his extras in Land of the Dead exclusively with Town Hall Meeting participants.

3. While waiting in the buffet line at a recent White House dinner, Junior proved once again he is still in touch with the youth of America when, to the surprise of nearly nobody, he screamed to the woman behind him, "Hey! No Cuts, No Buts, No Coconuts!"

Survival of the Fittest Edition

1. Bush the elder listened catatonically as the choosen symbol of freedom and democracy sized the old bastard up, debating silently to itself whether or not it could actually carry the Ex-Vice President's body weight in its talons back to the nest.
2. Bush 41 demonstrated a new Eagle-to-human translator unit, a device zoologists promise will give us new insight into the thoughts of our great national symbol. According to official transcripts, the bird's first words to the ex-President were, "Let me tell you why 'No Child Left Behind' is a crock of shit...."
3. "Look, George Junior, when I say you need to 'vet' your town hall meetings for receptive participants, I didn't mean they should be borrowed from a veterinarian."
4. "Sqquuaaaaaawwwwwwwwkkkkk!"
   "Yes, your habitat is indeed in danger thanks to my son's policies."
   "Reeeaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkk!"
   "You could, but I think the Secret Service might have something to say about that."
   "Kaaaaaawwwwwwaaakkk!"
   "Yes, you are on the *old* quarters, but frankly I don't think my boy likes animals very much."

Take, Eat Edition

1. "Dios Mio!" exclaimed many in attendance when told they would be experiencing the second coming that morning. The disappointment, however, was cleary audible when the gathered throng learned the translator merely meant that another helping of Huevos Rancheros was on its way.
   
2. "Somebody call an ambulance! I think mah mysterious hump just exploded!"
   
   

Shake Like A Man Edition

1. "It's been a pleasure dis-assembling with you."
2. In a show of solidarity for increased industrialization and global warming, instead of cutting their open palms and becoming blood-brothers, Junior and Tony poured out a quart of 20w50 and shook on it, Texas-T style.
3. "May the worst man win."
4. "Hey! Where's that hand been?"