You Can Hear the Ocean Edition

1. Governor Shrub listens gleefully as the universe screams in agony and outrage, while his newly created Cabinet of Denizens from the 7th Level of Hell attempt to amend the Constitution.
2. “Whaddya know? Perot was right about that ‘giant sucking sound’ of jobs being lost!”
3. “Are you there, God? It's me, George. My body hasn't started to change like the other girls', God, and I'm scared.”

Hittin' the Links Edition

1. Bush: “Yeah, I think my good buddy Snoop Dogg said it best. ‘I know a lot about golf, but I know even more about screwing the country over and then ducking responsibility.’"
   Minion: “I think he said he knows more about ‘grass,’ Mr. President.”
   Bush: “Well, I'm just paraphrasin'.”
2. Bush: “Hell, is that Osama's ball over in the trap again?”
   Minion: “Yes, I think it is, Sir.”
   Bush: (giggles) “That crazy camel jockey spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhof. What did I get on that last hole?”
   Minion: “I believe it was an 8, Mr. President.”
   Bush: “I was interferenced with, put me down for a 5.”
   Minion: “Of course, Your Eminence.”
3. Bush: “Yeah, I expect we'll finish up our round here, then my lackey will rub me down with baby oil and ‘service’ me, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh. Ain't that right, lackey?”
   Lackey: “Yes, master.”
   Bush: “Oooooh, baby. I gets all hot just thinkin' 'bout it.”
4. Earlier today, President Bush toured the Mobile, Alabama headquarters for the US Army's new Generally Overbudget, Light-Framed, Certainly Advanced, and Really Technical vehicle project in one of the project's prototype G.O.L.F.C.A.R.T.'s. The trip marks the president's first documented visit to an Alabama military installation.