Streisand Better Watch Her Back Edition

1. "This is a song that's very special to me, and holds a special place in my heart, which is located in my chest, right about here. And tonight, I'd like to share this very special song with all of you...Memmmmmmorieeeeeeees................"
2. "Okay, here goes: I pledge uh, Lee Gance to the flag, of the United States of Murrika, and for the Republicans, uh, of which I am, one nation under God, undivisionable, with liberty and justice for oil."

The Big Confession Edition

1. "OK, you got me, I confess, I am in fact actually a cyborg built by Halliburton to destroy the human race."
2. "Let's Raise the roof.... that’s right, raise it on up. Hup Hup, now shake it. Shake it like you just don't care..."
3. “And then Saddam came out of his hidey-hole and he was all like, (affects voice of Apu from the Simpsons) ‘Please don't shoot me!’ Boy do I wish we had popped a cap in his ass when we had the chance.”

End of Days Edition

1. "See, we need the Israel-ees there in that shithole when my god comes down and kicks butt on all you liberal sinners. That's what the good book says, or so I've been told."
2. “It was this guy, right here! He's the one who screwed everything up, not me! In fact, uh, I told the CIA to arrest him and they wouldn't do it! Isn't that right, uh, say, pardner, what was yer name agin?”

Ways to Boost Morale Edition

1. "See you in a few years, son...maybe."
2. “Why no, son, I don't believe I will be attending your funeral if'n you don't make it.”

PDA Edition

1. "It's okay Laura, honey, these nice marines are going to take you to Git-, I mean Crawford, for some nice R&R."
2. “George, don't you even think about grabbing my ass right now.”

Mr. Wizard Edition

1. "What? What? You guys think I am making this stuff up?"
2. “...and that's how babies are made. Any other questions?”

Soooooooooooouullllll Train Edition

1. "You put your left hand in and you shake it all about..." Governor Shrub pulled as he unveiled his administration's latest efforts to quell unrest among this election year's swing Republican voters: specifically white people who stand in front of big blue signs.
2. Reports that Pres. Shrub has a body double for important events such as this hog-calling competition were confirmed; furthermore, it is now believed that the double is none other than Eminem, the rap-artist famous for using ethnic slurs as his only means of communication. Indeed, many have a hard time telling the difference between the two.
3. You do the hip hop the hibby to the hibby the hip-hip hop and you don't stop a-rockin' to the bang-bang boogie said up-jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogity-beat.

Where the Sun Don't Shine Edition

Today Hasbro introduced its newest design of toy monkey where you can stick the thumb into various orifices.