Strollin' Down the Avenue Edition

1. President Bush, told he had been a bad boy, sat in the corner today and thought about what he did.
2. (as an aside) "Damn, Dick and Colon done changed the locks on me again. Those pranksters! OK, G.W., stay cool, don't let 'em see you sweat."
3. "Ahhhhhhhhhh......that's better. Maybe we should put a urinal in here so I wouldn't have to keep using this potted plant in the corner."
4. “I know that darn spit wad shooter is around here somewhere.”
5. "What's this big dark spot on the wall? It's oddly head-shaped. Hey! It moves when I moves... It's following me...I can't shake it! Somebody help me! SECURITY!!!!!"

Alexander Graham Bell Edition

1. "Yes, I'd like to order 15 large pizzas with, uh, everything, for delivery. Uhh, my name is Jacques Chirac. My address? Uh, Frenchy capitol building, on uhhh...that French street, in France City, France. giggle"
2. "Daddy, I'm lonely. Everybody else went off to go play war, and they left me behind because I was wearing a funny blue tie."
3. "...and I want a pony, and a racecar, and some low-yield nu-cu-lar weapons, and I've been a very good boy this year. Thanks, Santa!"
4. "Am I the ninth caller? This isn't WASS 102.4, DC's hip-hop and R&B station? So, you're telling me I'm NOT going to win front row tickets for R. Kelly's show? Oh, I musta hit the wrong speed dial. Sure, I'll talk to Putin while I got ya on the line.”
5. "Hi, mom? Ummm, I was wondering if I could borrow a little money? Well, see Dick and Donny wanna go out tonight, only I had to buy my books for next semester. No, I have money in my account, but I've gotta pay for my new prescription drug benefit. I don't know, like, $20? Thanks, Mom. Okay, I won't tell Dad."

Battlefield Earth Edition

1. "So, uhhhh.... you wanna go back to my place? I could show you the Lincoln Bedroom."
2. "So, Babarino, you gonna put me in 'Battlefield Earth 2' or not? I got a GREAT idea for the story."
3. "Pssssttt! What'd you get for number 10?"
4. "So, tell me again about the hash bars?"
5. "Didn't it hurt like hell when you switched faces with Nicolas Cage?"
6. "Dick says we'll let you live if you tell us the secrets of the Hollywood liberal agenda."
7. "Remember in 'Michael' when you played a winged angel and you bring that little puppy back to life after he bought the farm getting run over? That was cool. I cried like Saddam in the CIA interrogation room. Heh, heh."

Really Fast Edition

1. "Get to the bottom of it 'Pronto', what I mean is, like, 'really fast' for you non-Latino speakers."
2. "Son - you don't wanna start talkin' smack about my mom..."
3. "What do you mean Ashton Kutcher doesn't want to do another season of 'Punk'd'?"

Kung Fu Grip Edition

1. "I can CA-RA-TAY this here podium in two, you wanna bet?" pulled Junior as he addressed the League of Sniveling Warmongering Hawks.
2. "Now, I've ordered the Pentagon to begin research on why our American soldiers do not appear to have the Kung-Fu Grip, like so, of their action figure counterparts. And I want to assure the American people that I will get to the bottom of this important question."
3. "I want to reach out and touch the breas-, er, lives, of women voters, much like my good friend, Gov. Shavingrazor, has done in California."
4. "And this one time I was at a party, and we had a pile of blow, like, yea high..." A horrified aide runs out to the podium and whispers in Bush's ear. "But that's neither here nor...uh, somewhere else. Now, as I was saying, we have got to keep drugs off the streets."
5. “You put your left hand in, - now what?”