Leftovers Again?? Edition

1. President Shrub took a moment during today's symposium on Hope for Tomorrow's Youth to dig around in his back molars for a piece of food stuck there after he had devoured America's future during the buffet lunch.
2. President Bush was caught doing some prospecting today, possibly reliving his "oil exploration" days at Arbusto. When asked about it, the President said, "I never did have much luck with finding what I was looking for, but getting that piece of jerky caught between my back teeth was harder than getting permission to drill in the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge!"

Oooh, Something Shiny Edition

Much like the President Condoleeza Rice works for, this photographer's attention started to wander away the minute she brought up Iran and nuclear weapons.

Just Yanking Your Chain Edition

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Is It Hot In Here? Edition

President Bush delivered remarks on energy policy today to the Renewable Fuels Association in front of a huge banner depicting an idyllic farm setting. The President noted that he would have liked to speak in front of an actual farm except, "Karl wasn't able to find one that looked so lush and fertile, what with that global warmin' that don't exist screwin' up ecosystems and such."

Another One Bites the Dust Edition

"...well, thanks fer yer service, Scotty ol' pal. I sure am sad to see you go. But don't worry, I found you a nice family out in the country that's been looking fer a press seck-er-tary just like you. They got a real nice place, plenty of room fer you to run around and such."
"Will you come visit me, Mr. President?"
"Well, sure, Scotty. [chokes back tear] We'll see each other all the time. You be a good boy, now. I'll miss you!"

You Have Been Warned Edition

Favored Republican candidate for 2032 Damien Thorn strolls through Arlington National Cemetery on a school-sponsored scavenger hunt. "It's his level-headed gaze that the voters will respond to," remarks Tom DeLay, newly appointed headmaster of the exclusive GOP Academy. "My new job affords me all kinds of opportunities to leave no candidate behind." When asked about the troubling "666" tattoo on Thorn that might alienate Christian voters, DeLay shrugged. "It's still a Christian thing, ain't it?"

Scandal? What Scandal? Edition

"...and that is why I am announcing that I will resign from Congress this spring. "
Interior Monologue: "Look at all those spineless, yeller liberals cheering. Why, if that commie pinko judge who calls himself a Texan hadn't taken my concealed handgun permit away, I'd learn these Democrats somethin' fierce."