It Was Only a Bad Dream Edition

1. "Oh yeah, this is the baby that got ol' Hank Whittington, back in '06. Got 'em real good!" moaned Grand Inquistor Cheney in ecstasy at the 2020 Fourth-Term Inauguration Ball moments before he had his daily blood transfusion from his harem of 72 virgins.
2. "So, this trigger thingy here is what I don't want to pull when I'm pointing Ol' Smokey here at another hunter?" asked Vice President Dick Cheney while attending a "Safe Shootin' Is Good, Clean Fun!" NRA safety course today.

"Scotty Doesn't Know" Edition

1. The White House has taken a new approach to handling the nearly constant string of fuck-ups that have plagued the Bush/Cheney years - humor. Scott McClellan insinuated today that safety-orange will replace the standard white wash at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and staff would be asked to announce themselves when anywhere near the embattled vice-president's office. McClellan, who can't find his ass with both hands, was rewarded for his jocularity with an unexpected invitation from the Veep himself to "tag along" on the next hunting trip.
2. White House spokesman Scott McClellan, after stonewalling the press and insisting that Vice President Dick Cheney's own staff would be better prepared to answer questions regarding the weekend shooting, finally caved today and responded to a question from the New York Times that, "Yes, the Vice President is expected to go hunting again once 'Wabbit Season' officially opens."

30 Ought 6 Edition

1. One day after the House Republicans issued a new party rule requiring the wearing of high-visibility orange vests while on the House floor, Vice President Dick Cheney was spotted carrying a hunting rifle and heading for a blind he had constructed in the House gallery. When asked what he was doing, the Vice President responded with a trademark, "Go fuck yourself!" The Vice President's spokesman later informed the press that the Vice President was merely observing the House's debate on the Terrorist Surveillance Program and was expected to be actively involved in answering Democratic challenges to the program.
   
2. Dick "12-Gauge" Cheney is seen here entering the new House 'Shooting' Gallery for some much needed target practice. When pressed on the subject, the Vice President equated his not having a permit for hunting "upland game birds" in Texas to not really being elected to public office by the voice of the people. Later, upon hearing that his intended victim, Harry Whittington (the 78-yr old Republican lawyer who contrary to Scott McClellan's initial comments, looks nothing at all like a "really big quail") had suffered a heart attack while receiving care for the botched murder attempt, old 12-Gauge asked the Whittington family for forgiveness in his special way by saying, "Go F#$K yourselves!"
   

The Best Defense Is A Strong Offense Edition

"Well, Senator, before I answer your question, perhaps you would like to take a look at some of the information our Terrorist Surveillance Program has uncovered. For example, it seems we've picked up quite a few calls from your office to a certain local escort agency...."

Microscopic Edition

"...and if you squint a little, Mr. President, you should just be able to see your party's chances for this year's elections in the corner there."