Hit Me With That Rhythm Stick Edition

Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean brought a visual aid to the party's debate on how hard to hit John McCain.

His Favorite Album Is Fables Of The Reconstruction Edition

"Now, I don't know if y'all have been following the news, but this sitchy-ayshun with Russia and Georgia is just gittin outta hand. At least that's what Condi says, anyway. And it's like I've told my good buddy Putin, invading a sovereign country is just plain ol' unacceptable in the 21st century. And what's his excuse? He's defendin' the freedom of the separatists? Come on, who's gonna believe some cockamamie flim flam like that for an invasion! Next thing you know he's going to be standing in front of giant Russian flags telling us the Georgians got Dubya-Em-Dees! Ever-body know the only things they got in Georgia are peaches and R.E.M., and Michael Stipe sure as hell don't look like he could be a threat to anyone."

Man of the People Edition

"Oooh, what about the leather thong over there?" Apparently tired of whoring only himself out to Republican special interests in his desperate bid for the White House, Senator John McCain took wife Cindy on a shopping trip for the perfect outfit for her appearance at the Miss Buffalo Chip beauty contest at the annual Sturgis Bike Rally.