You Have Been Warned Edition

Favored Republican candidate for 2032 Damien Thorn strolls through Arlington National Cemetery on a school-sponsored scavenger hunt. "It's his level-headed gaze that the voters will respond to," remarks Tom DeLay, newly appointed headmaster of the exclusive GOP Academy. "My new job affords me all kinds of opportunities to leave no candidate behind." When asked about the troubling "666" tattoo on Thorn that might alienate Christian voters, DeLay shrugged. "It's still a Christian thing, ain't it?"