Pollyanna Edition

"Mah fellow 'Mericans, I am pleased to announce that the death of Al-Sacagawea in Iraq today gives us new hope in our relations with our Middle Eastern subje-, uh, I mean, friends. Why, there's nothing that can stop us from spreadin' freedom and democracy amongst the heathe-, uh, I mean, A-rabs. Except of course our dependence on their oil. And that Osama feller. And Hamas bein' in charge of Palestine. Oh, and that Iranian guy ain't too fond of me neither. And of course the Sunnis, Shiites, and Kurds hate each other. And Saddam is still around. But other than that, it's smooth sailin', yessir."