Holy Hand Grenade Edition

1. Please God, let me poop again!
2. W.W.J.A.?*
   *Who Would Jesus Assassinate
3. More blood for oil! Please Lord, more blood for oil!
4. It's OK to kill Chavez, the oil won't stop flowing.
5. I will now pray to the Lord to lower our gas prices. Uhhhhh.....yes, I'm getting through now......ahhhhh......the Lord has spake unto me, and He says He has made our gas prices higher as punishment for electing an illiterate chimp who led us into an unjust war. Wait, that can't be right.