These Are The Excuses You're Looking For Edition

1. In a last ditch effort to salvage his sagging approval ratings, President Bush attempts to influence public opinion with his mind.
2. President Bush, tired of trying to influence public opinion the old-fashioned, labor-intensive way, borrowed his Sorceror Master's blue pointy hat and summoned an army of microphones to do his bidding. His master, seen here after being woken from his nap by Mr. Bush's staggering ineptitude, was clearly not amused.
3. Unable to withstand the intense scrutiny and disbelieving looks of the White House Press Corps any longer, President Bush's Key Grip, Millard Scheissekopf, stood by while his boss addressed the newly installed Reporter-less Mics and Remote Control Cameras.